No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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