that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
