Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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