My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
