i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
