you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
