Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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