Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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