there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
