woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
