Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
