What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
