I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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