I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
