i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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