dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
