he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
