he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
