I'm jealous of your bromance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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