I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
