k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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