The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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