I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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