no, he came in my armpit
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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