I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
