Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
