the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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