Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
