I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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