So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
