i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You ruined the universe
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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