I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
