If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
