Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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