i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
