youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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