I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
