my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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