We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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