woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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