so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need a beard to bite.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
