My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
