sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
