I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
