my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
