I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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