i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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