Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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