i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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