I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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