I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i came on her dog
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
