Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
