Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
