By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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