My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
