yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
