We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
