shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
