There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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