Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
