so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
