I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
