dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
