bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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