I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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