Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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