Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
