In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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