What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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