and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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