made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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