I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
