Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
