Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
