If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
