Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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