I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
