ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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