I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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