can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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