The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
