New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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